is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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