Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
