Me. At least after what I've been through.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Randomize
