Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
