Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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