i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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