You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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