it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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