so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
