How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
whose ass print is on the piano?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
