i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
