I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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