i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
