weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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