I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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