Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
