Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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