Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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