You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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