So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
