Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
