I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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