he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
