hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize