If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
