i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
