no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize