If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
