what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
MIDGETS
????
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
