Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
