Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
