I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
