I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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