Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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