do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize