And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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