Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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