his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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