In the future we'll all be gay
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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