She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
