I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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