that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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