I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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