dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
