Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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