I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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