Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
