Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I believe in your delicious
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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