dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
