so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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