Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
