I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
