smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
false alarm, still single
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
