for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
