I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Floor bacon is actually really good
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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