I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
