3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
