it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
