You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
