the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
