My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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