I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
