Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
