we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
