3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
