I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
