Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
