the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
