everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
