GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
