this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
