Yo dont text me then not text me
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
