I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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