you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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