He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i came on her dog
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
