That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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