I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
