FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
