So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
