he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
