WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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