so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
