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we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i think i have two assholes
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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