The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
