i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
