I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
