he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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