Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
