I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
