Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i now understand why vodka
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
