Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
