I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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