I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
