i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
